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Hubbard County Youth
Drug and Alcohol
Task Force
322 Main Ave S Suite 2
P.O. Box 853
Park Rapids, MN 56470
218-237-4114
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Barb's Story
"I had a dream. I saw 'someone' walking up a steep hill. I know where they were going
because I had walked up that hill before. I made it to the top and then fell to the hard
ground below. I cried out to 'someone' to stop as they climbed higher and higher. I knew
they heard me but they kept going anyway. Then, after they reached the top, I saw them
fall. But unlike me, they did not get up.
Please listen to me and don't let that 'someone' be you....".
I grew up in the late 60's and early 70's because I was born in 1956. People close to my
age will remember it as an era of changing morality-drugs were common, drinking was
almost encouraged, sexual freedoms were explored and even abortion became legal. We
all seemed to live for the moment. I didn't even think about, or know, the long term effects
of long term alcohol and drug abuse.... I never admitted to myself my increasing need for
daily use. My substances of choice were meth and beer, coupled with shots of tequila.
The meth kept me so awake, I was able to drink more, without getting drunk and sloppy. I
could hardly wait for the weekends and before I knew it, I was snorting a line or two during
the day and have a shot or two of Jose Cuervo. Since substance abuse is a progressive
disease, it started to take more and more to obtain the high I was looking for. It wasn't fun
anymore, yet my physical and psychological need became so great I was afraid to even
try to get help to quit. I lived a lie, a double life, for years and the emotional effect on me
was a draining one. I have come to believe that when it come to chemical abuse, we all
have a couple things in common: The inability for self-control and the fear of life without
using some means of escape. In many cases the only, eventual means of escape is
death. I can tell you that with confidence, because last year at this time I thought I would
be celebrating my last Holiday season. I was, and had been in the end stages of liver
disease for years. I also had been on an organ transplant list since 2005. Since my
diagnosis of cirrhosis in March 0f 2000, my health kept declining. I was told then, to get
clean or die - listen now because it came down to this - get sober-choose life or choose
death. I chose life and have substance free since July of 2000. Yes, it took a few months
to decide - I shudder now when I remember that. My story isn't isolated, hundreds of
people around the world are waiting for a liver. I received mine this year, May of 2008. It
was an answer to prayer; my own miracle from God. Jesus is my "Higher Power" and if
you will just ask, He will be yours too. Now (and for years) I have known that life is fun
with out drug and alcohol abuse. All they do is cheat you of everything. They will take a
physical and emotional toll on you, drain you of your brain cells and liver function.
Substance abuse will burn so many bridges with family and sober friends. It will also burn
up your money and possessions....
Hear my story and know that I just touched on some of the issues and realities of my life.
When I start to share some of the stories my mind allows me to remember, you will have
more knowledge of what you are already in or for what lies ahead. So until next time-don't
pour your booze, put down that straw, don't swallow that pill...and may our Father God,
Bless you-
Barb
TO BE CONTINUED....
Part Two June 09
Hello, this is Barb writing again, after I got the gumption back in me, it’s been awhile…I’
m the pot smoking, meth addict who loved to drink without ceasing. I did write once
before in December, and here I am again. I sit here pen in hand, asking God to let the
words flow; a task not to hard for our Lord, but for me ~how do you change someone’s
life with a pen…and words~ now, how hard is that?
I will be 53 years old in August and life really does go by in what seems like the blink of
an eye. I learned with great difficulty that past choices and our present and especially
our future always affect us. It took me longer than most to realize this and that is a hard
fact to swallow.
I believe drug, alcohol abuse or any addiction can start at any age. It comes and it goes
as it pleases. Sometimes it comes when we are young and more willing to try instant,
pleasurable, risky behaviors, but always sobriety comes only with determination and the
help of God. People have many reasons to rationalize abuse, but users have one main
trait in common: we don’t like ourselves in the real worlds, especially when escape
appears to offer so much more.
Drug and alcohol abuse are still popular and socially acceptable in you hang out with
the “right” people. Few just try them a few times, others use for years, losing self control,
self respect and bringing a different view into your morals. On the positive side there is
so much world-wide knowledge out there and also more support and help with addiction
then ever before.
Those of you out there who have stuck with me and continue to read this, maybe you
are using like crazy and loving it; others may have come to realize just what kind of mess
you’ve gotten yourselves into. There is a daily need to feel however the drug/drink of
choice makes you feel, whether the need now is physical, psychological, or both, you
will start to feel lost and hopeless and broken which is also a part of the lifestyle. Doing
a moral inventory isn’t part of our nature anymore.
Society is simply people; some who need more to keep them happy and content, and
with today’s technology coming so far, everything is at our fingertips and instant
gratification is what it’s all about. You already know that, don’t you?
I wish I could say that this lifestyle is easy to stop if you really want too; but it’s not; it
would be a blatant lie. Addiction is addiction; and there is help out there. You must take
an active part in your recovery because you are worth it. Please start to accept that you
have a serious disease and the road to a chance at real happiness will begin…
I plan to write some more re: my personal and specific experiences and it won’t be for
the faint hearted, it will be an honest look at some pretty horrible “junk” that was a part of
my life. Of course I’m not alone in these events/memories of my past. Now my future is
bright and even though at times my past still haunts me; it’s just that the past! You too
can have your drug abuse be in the past~please try.
I would like to end with this prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change
the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
TO BE CONTINUED....
info@hubbardcountydrugfree.org